In particular, listen for the different dimensions of the dispute:
It is critical to know what is driving and motivating everyone. Discover:
Every dispute arises in the shadow of the past - personal, institutional, cultural. Sometimes it is impossible to make progress until past problems have been worked through. But do not get trapped in the past - use it as a springboard to how people would like the future to be different.
Neither people nor organisations are monolithic: often disputes can arise as an outward projection of internal differences. Sometimes you have to deal with internal conflicts before you can tackle external ones.
Uncertainty is a potent source of dispute because uncertainty breeds fear, fear breeds hostility, and hostility creates conflict and more uncertainty.
Uncertainty may be caused by:
Uncertainty creates a vacuum that is filled by rumour, speculation, assumptions and prejudice - which can all cause further conflict.
There is always some common ground if you look hard enough - such
as shared uncertainty about the future.
Explore and build on the common ground so that gradually the area
of common ground increases and becomes more important. Get people
to be creative and think up ideas and options they have not previously
considered.
When the search for common ground has achieved some momentum - and
people begin to see the possibility of resolving the dispute - it
becomes easier to address areas of difference.
Slow down the process of communication. Every time there is a bad reaction to something that is said, stop the conversation and check how it has been understood and why it has caused a problem. Make communications problems a way to help people understand each other better.
Power differences inhibit communication, negotiation and agreement. Whether the power is physical, financial, institutional, intellectual or personal, an imbalance can encourage the more powerful to bully and the less powerful to use cunning and passive aggression - such as deliberately withholding information - to redress the balance.
Often differences of power are a fact of life. If everyone acknowledges this, and discusses how to prevent them being a problem, then the problems that could arise may be prevented.
Negotiation, resolving disputes and building agreement are complex processes and they require an investment of time - don't rush them.
Give people time to adjust to new thoughts about others, practise new attitudes and behaviours towards them, experiment with possible solutions.
A third party, whether a professional mediator or just someone trusted by all sides, can help resolve disputes by:
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